Does this sound familiar?
You’re wound up like a coiled spring, edgy and ready to burst at any moment. You’re trying to cope any which way you can but it isn’t working.
You’re feeling guilty for letting yourself or other people down.
You’re ashamed of yourself.
You won’t talk about your problems because you think you’ll be judged.
You start to feel rigid and tense when you become sad or angry. Even feeling proud of yourself feels weird.
You don’t enjoy things like you used to and you don’t feel as close to your friends and family like you once did.
You’re wondering if you even deserve to feel better, if it’s even possible.
“My feelings are causing me so much distress and suffering,” you say.
Here’s what you don’t realize: You are confusing your anxiety, shame, and guilt with actual adaptive core feelings. What you are experiencing are symptoms, not healthy feelings. Once we get at what's underneath the symptoms of anxiety, guilt, and shame, then you’ll feel calmer, experience healthy feelings, and your true self will emerge.
“How did I get to be this way?”
When we are born, we are all hard-wired to feel emotions and share them with others. These core feelings or emotions include anger, sadness, joy, pride, love, and excitement to name a few. Our feelings orient us, tell us if our needs are being met, and spur us to actions that are in our best interest. When we experience our full range of emotions we can be more authentic, open, and expressive. Acting on our emotions feels empowering, alive, and energetic. Sharing our feelings enables us to feel seen, heard, and validated.
We are also born with a drive to develop close relationships with others that is crucially important for our development. When we have a secure attachment to another person then we can feel safe enough to be transparent with that person. This secure bond allows us to reveal what is happening inside of us and trust that the other person accepts who we are and how we feel. When there is a rupture in the relationship we have a better chance of repairing it if the foundation of the relationship is secure.
Sometimes, though, there are ruptures in our relationships that aren't fully repaired, which can have long-lasting effects.
When these ruptures happen we learned that our feelings made other people anxious. Then those anxious people responded by becoming indifferent to us or reacting negatively to us, which then made us feel anxious. So, in order to maintain these relationships and to lower everyone’s anxiety, we suppressed our emotions. In moments like this we suppress our feelings and sacrifice being transparent so that the other person can feel better. In so doing, the connection was restored but at the cost of our ability to be authentic and transparent. Repeated experiences like these lead us to become afraid of our feelings and afraid of what would happen to our relationships if we shared them. It is this fear of feeling and fear of revealing that causes us to suffer and keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from each other.
“What can I do about it now?”
In our sessions, through the psychotherapeutic model of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), we focus on getting past the anxiety in order to actually feel our feelings. This simple-sounding step transforms everything. It brings what has been hidden into the light and becomes a compass to living a truer, happier, more honest, and more effective life. By being able to feel and reveal whatever we feel to someone who is receptive to whatever emotion we are experiencing, we become more capable of meeting the challenges of everyday life.
“How does AEDP therapy work?”
Our work together is all about experiencing the depth and breadth of your emotions, especially the ones long ignored or suppressed. It is not about simply telling your story - it’s about the feelings that come up as you tell your story and about sharing those feelings with another person. The healing will happen as long as we take the time to slow down, feel and reveal each emotion that comes up no matter what we talk about, and process what it was like to do that.
So we don’t just talk about feelings. We feel our feelings - together, in session - with as much transparency and for as long as possible we can.
Think of it this way. We become better runners by running. We become better painters by painting. We become better at feeling by feeling.
If you want to learn more please contact me to get started with a free 20-minute phone consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.
You’re wound up like a coiled spring, edgy and ready to burst at any moment. You’re trying to cope any which way you can but it isn’t working.
You’re feeling guilty for letting yourself or other people down.
You’re ashamed of yourself.
You won’t talk about your problems because you think you’ll be judged.
You start to feel rigid and tense when you become sad or angry. Even feeling proud of yourself feels weird.
You don’t enjoy things like you used to and you don’t feel as close to your friends and family like you once did.
You’re wondering if you even deserve to feel better, if it’s even possible.
“My feelings are causing me so much distress and suffering,” you say.
Here’s what you don’t realize: You are confusing your anxiety, shame, and guilt with actual adaptive core feelings. What you are experiencing are symptoms, not healthy feelings. Once we get at what's underneath the symptoms of anxiety, guilt, and shame, then you’ll feel calmer, experience healthy feelings, and your true self will emerge.
“How did I get to be this way?”
When we are born, we are all hard-wired to feel emotions and share them with others. These core feelings or emotions include anger, sadness, joy, pride, love, and excitement to name a few. Our feelings orient us, tell us if our needs are being met, and spur us to actions that are in our best interest. When we experience our full range of emotions we can be more authentic, open, and expressive. Acting on our emotions feels empowering, alive, and energetic. Sharing our feelings enables us to feel seen, heard, and validated.
We are also born with a drive to develop close relationships with others that is crucially important for our development. When we have a secure attachment to another person then we can feel safe enough to be transparent with that person. This secure bond allows us to reveal what is happening inside of us and trust that the other person accepts who we are and how we feel. When there is a rupture in the relationship we have a better chance of repairing it if the foundation of the relationship is secure.
Sometimes, though, there are ruptures in our relationships that aren't fully repaired, which can have long-lasting effects.
When these ruptures happen we learned that our feelings made other people anxious. Then those anxious people responded by becoming indifferent to us or reacting negatively to us, which then made us feel anxious. So, in order to maintain these relationships and to lower everyone’s anxiety, we suppressed our emotions. In moments like this we suppress our feelings and sacrifice being transparent so that the other person can feel better. In so doing, the connection was restored but at the cost of our ability to be authentic and transparent. Repeated experiences like these lead us to become afraid of our feelings and afraid of what would happen to our relationships if we shared them. It is this fear of feeling and fear of revealing that causes us to suffer and keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from each other.
“What can I do about it now?”
In our sessions, through the psychotherapeutic model of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), we focus on getting past the anxiety in order to actually feel our feelings. This simple-sounding step transforms everything. It brings what has been hidden into the light and becomes a compass to living a truer, happier, more honest, and more effective life. By being able to feel and reveal whatever we feel to someone who is receptive to whatever emotion we are experiencing, we become more capable of meeting the challenges of everyday life.
“How does AEDP therapy work?”
Our work together is all about experiencing the depth and breadth of your emotions, especially the ones long ignored or suppressed. It is not about simply telling your story - it’s about the feelings that come up as you tell your story and about sharing those feelings with another person. The healing will happen as long as we take the time to slow down, feel and reveal each emotion that comes up no matter what we talk about, and process what it was like to do that.
So we don’t just talk about feelings. We feel our feelings - together, in session - with as much transparency and for as long as possible we can.
- We share our feelings, making the implicit explicit.
- We brave our vulnerability so that we can be felt, heard, and seen.
- We become known to ourselves and to one another.
- We feel empowered and more confident.
- We feel more patient and compassionate for ourselves and for others.
- We learn that by being able to feel and share our feelings, we are calmer and more connected to ourselves and others.
- By getting over our fear of feeling and our fear of revealing, we feel better.
Think of it this way. We become better runners by running. We become better painters by painting. We become better at feeling by feeling.
If you want to learn more please contact me to get started with a free 20-minute phone consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.